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Lately I’ve been receiving a few e-mails from fans that have
been visiting eHacked since the beginning of time. In these few e-mails, the
guys have been complaining that I haven’t been doing any more original articles
like I used to (Eminem
Sucks,
How to Lose Weight Easily,
How to be a
Camwhore just to name a few), and that they miss them and want me to do it
again.
Fine.
How to Eat Pussy
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Before attempting any sort of contact
with the opposite sex, make sure to remove any and all leftovers from
your pizza that may have inadvertently remained stuck on your lips. Use
a wiping motion repeatedly until said crumbs are gone. If they persist
on staying stuck to your lips, ignore it and move on. She’ll never know
the difference once she’s squirting her woman-juice all over your face. |
Click read more!
P.S.: All images used with author’s permission.
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The biggest mistake an amateur can make
is to head straight for the pussy. Would you start eating a steak raw?
No! You’d cook it first, right? Thus you must do with the pussy.
Begin by nibbling on her nipples. Some hot tongue
action, while simultaneously touching her legs and midriff, will get her
mayonnaise flowing in no time!
Make sure not to bite down too hard on the nipples,
as they are very sensitive and can turn her off quicker than you can say
"your mother!". Instead, be gentle with them, while applying pressure
with your tongue and fingers. If done right, you will be rewarded by
nipples that can potentially poke your eyes out.
Soon you will be rewarded with the unmistakably fishy
smell of a medium-done pussy. Don’t get too eager, however, as you must
wait until it is nice and well done! |
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After her breasts have been
sufficiently fondled, head on down to her stomach (Head! Get it?! Oh
forget it…) and start kissing her softly in and around her naval.
Do not, however, forget about her breasts! You must
keep returning to them! They hold the sweet nectar of life, and
therefore must be treated with respect and fondling!
You should be moving your hands up and down her legs,
closer and closer to her sweet spot, but don’t touch it! Leave that
beaver until later!
Kiss the sides of her stomach while lightly running
your fingers over the opposite side. Always keep your fingers
busy! They are the key! |
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Sidle on down a few inches, young one.
Get your face right there between your legs, and your hands just a few
inches from her pussy, BUT DO NOT TOUCH JUST YET! No no, this is
the point where you let her simmer in her own juices. Kiss around and
around, and keep your hands busy by petting the inside of her thighs.
Don’t worry, you’re almost there… |
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Just like a mother testing the
temperature of milk by using her fingers, so must you test the
mayonnaise to see if it is ready for consumption.
If you find it hard to push your finger in the hole,
she must either be a virgin (lol cherry pop lol) or she is not yet
ready. We’ll assume she’s a virgin, so just ram your finger in as hard
as you can. |
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Now it’s time to go for the gold! Close
your eyes, reach up and cup a breast, think of your happy place, and
dive right in! JACK POT!
Have you ever tasted a more contradictory substance
in your life? It smells like fish, yet has the consistency of mayonnaise
and tastes like salty butter.
This, my friends, is what it’s all about: Sticking
your tongue in her pee-hole.
Be sure you be moving your hands in circular motions,
while running your tongue up and down, in and out. When you feel the
woman-juice being squirted up your nose, take satisfaction in the
knowledge that you have made her have the big O (ovary discharge).
It might not taste very good, but the more you eat it, the more addicted
you’ll become! |
Sometimes even the most thought out plans have their
drawbacks! Prepare for the worst if it comes to that by reading the
following two tips: |
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| Problem #1: Fat Chicks
With this scenario, you run the high risk of being
suffocated by her many layers of fat as she squeezes down on your head
while you are attempting to pleasure what you believe to be her pussy
hole but is in fact either a large sweat pore or her anus.
Solution: Ask her to give you head instead! Fat
chicks give great head because they’re always hungry! |
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| Problem #2: She-male/Cross-Dresser
If you attempt to go to Mexico this Spring Break and
pick up a $5 prostitute, you will undoubtedly run across this particular
scenario. You take to your hotel room what you think is a very
well-toned woman, but in fact turns into a man with 6 steaming inches of
man-loving to give you.
Solution: ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!
Next time: A Guide to Sucking Manbeef |
You should all go visit
http://www.gamerzfx.net,
since he’s the self-proclaimed king of muff diving. Ladies, if you want to have
the Big-O then you should talk to him! I’m pretty sure he’s single 
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